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 There have been events, situations and just life’s plain old ups and downs in the past 8 years, which have caused me to really take stock in my life. Also, lately I’ve had many conversations with some very dear friends who have both, needed advice, and shared advice. I’m glad and very humbled that they look to me for wisdom. With this article, I’m attempting to share some of this wisdom with myself. There aren't too many of us who can change the world. But, we can have an impact, small or large, on some of those in this world. It's really all about the goals. Don't look to change the world, look to change your own world. I have made some odd decisions in my life. My decisions, timing, certain relationships, and even exit strategies from those relationships, might not have been the best choices I’ve ever made. I am paying dearly for some of those choices and decisions. My ex-wife thinks I’m a loser. My ex-common law wife pretty much left without a trace and thinks I became controlling, abusive and obsessive. And one, who I fell for hard and finally saw a future with, doesn’t like me much now either. All because of choices and decisions that had been made. I've learned there are many types of women in this world. Mostly wonderful, beautiful, amazing women. But, every so often you run into one that is issue driven and phony, and has to run away from everyone and everything in her life. She'll con people with her tragic stories, use them to get what she needs, and flee yet again to start anew. That woman, really changed the playing field for me, for awhile. Most of us tend to see the good in most people and the best of most situations. That affects our decisions. We don’t necessarily make bad decisions. We just make decisions based on our own criteria or choices that we’ve made in life. We care about people, and the things in life that are important to us. We feel the highs, a little higher, and the lows, a little lower. No, we’re not bi-polar. That is just manic. I’ve known manic. Lived with her for 2 years. People are attracted because of passion. Passion in their lives. Passion in their loves. And yes, a passion in each other. It’s who we are. The expression, ‘Misery love company’ rings kind of true. Like minds attract. Enthusiasm also loves company. So does happiness, sorrow and fear. All emotions love company. Certain people have no problem sharing the good and the bad, especially when it’s based on a passion. Do you know why nice guys finish last? It’s because we’re always willing to put everyone else before ourselves. We don’t mind finishing last, because we get to keep our integrity. And what exactly is integrity? Quite simply, integrity is consistency. Integrity is saying what we mean, and meaning what we say. I tend to look at a person’s ‘integrity gap’. A person’s integrity gap is measured by the difference in what they say, and what they do. When you live your life with integrity, you will leave a much stronger legacy. Legacy, you say? I know of people who have kids on drugs, kids who are in and out of trouble with the law, and wives who are fucking their friends. But, as long as they have nice houses, nice possessions and expensive cars, they are oblivious to the rest. Some fucking legacy! All the riches in the world won’t buy happiness or mend troubled relationships. It isn’t the money. It’s the people and the decisions they have made in life. People need to start stepping up and being heroes in relationships and other situations in their lives. I like to think I leave a legacy in my daughter. I like to think I leave a legacy in friendships and loves that have been lasting. I like to think I leave a legacy in people who, while they have had every reason to run and never look back, they still remain. That is partly because of who I am, and partly because of who they are. Maybe that’s because ‘I know how to pick em’. Ok, most of the time. The three aforementioned people are exceptions to that rule. My daughter was 5 when her mother and I split. I had her ½ the time, until she was 12. Then a social life kicked in and suddenly, there was less time for Dad. But, that’s ok. I still see her 2 days a week. I am so amazed every time I see her. Amazed at her growth. Amazed at how she is becoming, not only a beautiful young woman, but a beautiful human being as well. Do I miss her? Sure I do, and I wish she still wanted to spend ½ her time with me. But, there is no way in hell I will make her feel guilty for those decisions. Then, I start to think about ‘decisions’, ‘passion’, ‘integrity’ and a ‘legacy’. My daughter will always see someone who is loving. Someone who is funny. Someone who will support her no matter what. She knows that when she does fuck up, she has someone who will comfort her and say, “I love you, what do you need?” She sees someone who loves excitement, down time, the value of just making a nice dinner and watching t.v. together. She sees someone who dreams. Dreams are so important in life. A dream is never a lie. A dream is something we wish for to come true. When it doesn't, we feel hurt and want to justify that hurt but, a dream is still, never a lie. A dream lets us know we're still alive inside, that we have hope inside, that we have purpose. A dream is a bet placed on, and by our souls. My talent lies mostly in my ability to write. I can’t sing to save my life, and I can barely play the guitar, but I’m putting myself out there after so many years away from it. Hoping to get a message across, because it is something I have always dreamed about. My daughter and my friends see that passion inside. If that is the only legacy I leave in this world, then I’ve done my job as a parent, friend, writer, and yes, sometimes lover. So, I could sit here and feel sorry for myself for the decisions I have made in my life. I could sit here and agonize over the 3 that think I’m a loser, user, and abuser. Or, I could sit here and think of my daughter, my dreams, the literally dozens of relationships I have had the past 8 years, that still regard me as someone very special. ‘Decisions’, ‘Passion’, ‘Integrity’ and ‘Legacy’... |